


For what it comes

by iamfeelingverywhale



Series: wind blows and the sky freezes [1]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Friendship/Love, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:14:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21739696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamfeelingverywhale/pseuds/iamfeelingverywhale
Summary: They all went separate ways. Kagami left for NBA to chase after his dream. And not long after, Aomine left too. It's been ten years since then and things happened in between those absent years, of which Kagami was happy and regretful. Now that both of them were back, he was determined to make everything work again. Or so he hopes to.
Relationships: Kagami Taiga/Kuroko Tetsuya, Kise Ryouta/Kuroko Tetsuya
Series: wind blows and the sky freezes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1566889
Comments: 12
Kudos: 68





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! this is not my first attempt nor first piece of work of writing fanfic, But it is sure my first one in a very long time. and I don't even know what takes me so long to just get up and do something that I really want to. (Stupid motivation and my beloved procrastinating behavior) But here I am and here you are. I hope you all enjoy this as well as I do.

Chapter 1

Time flew fast when you’re enjoying it. Kagami didn’t know what to say to that. For one thing, he did enjoy his time in the States. His days spent in breathless training, his eyes riveted on that worn-out orange ball which always felt so good to the palm of his hand. The feeling when he caught it and was the one to actually slam it into the basket was something he would never have traded for anything else. That moment when his triumphant yell was drowned out by the sheer uproar from his teammates and audience and that increased digits on the scoreboard would always lighten the fire in his eyes, putting a big grin widespread on his face. That moment when the happiness brimmed and Kagami outstretched his arm to the side, a fist hanging in the air waiting—yearning—for another fist to bump.

Just in that moment though, that Kagami realized. He slowly, wordlessly, withdrew his arm and instead shot it above his head. The screams from the audience got louder but his mind went unusually quiet.

No matter how long it has been, Kagami still carried that old habit with him. A quick flash of someone claiming that he was a shadow to his light almost made him smile. He allowed himself to drown in the memories of those times just once in a while so that he was reminded of his home.

So yeah, he couldn't ignore the loneliness which always crawled after him when he was alone in the apartment, neither did it go away when he was at the center of attention with everyone crowed on him. It was frustrating at first that almost chased his sanity away. But as Summers turned Springs and when a chilly breeze came along in Winters, Kagami finally learned to let go of the past and accept his decision which had led him to such opportunity in the USA.

Life in the States went all right with Kagami. He poured his heart out in basketball. He made a few trustworthy friends and even got himself girlfriends at some points. And when Kagami entered the fourth year of training for NBA, the familiar face just happened to show up at one practice. The day was scorcher but Aomine’s eyes on him were the brightest blue. They weren’t the best of friends, that’s the fact. But on the court, Kagami just knew who he could always pass the ball to.

He remembered spotting Aomine gulp down his drink during a break. He went up to him, asking what he has always wanted to know.

“Seirin made it to Inter-High twice, only reached to the qualifiers both times. It’s understandable though with the leave of you and that iron-heart, Seirin rarely stood a chance against Kaijo and Rakuzan.” Aomine shrugged. “No difference during the WinterCup either. It’s pretty surprising that even when the seniors’ gone and the team was full of newbies, they still managed to keep up with Murasakibara’s team.”

Kagami just nodded. He was a little bit reluctant but the curiosity won him over.

Hearing Kagami’s next question, Aomine seemed unsure of what to say, to Kagami’s surprise actually. He has never seen Aomine get flustered, even when he had lost to Seirin years ago.

Scratching his head, Aomine, averting his gaze elsewhere, said; “Tetsu’s fine. As you know he put everything in every match he played. Though he lost he’s never shown his tears. A true sportsman he is.” Dark blue eyes flickered. “Though there’s that—“

Aomine abruptly stopped in mid-sentence and scowled to himself. Kagami frowned. He was determined to push further but was cut short when the whistle bellowed, signaling the practice resume.

Whenever Kagami demanded Aomine of what he was saying that day, Aomine simply changed the subject or ignored it completely. Kagami knew something might have happened to his shadow but he couldn’t bring himself to call and ask. Not a single email, nor voice message. Despite his massive build and the hard look on his face, Kagami was of a caveman who got scared over his own shadow. Kuroko was—is—his precious friend. One that always supported him on and off the court. They shared the best history together—along with the Seirin. The bond was too strong for any tools to break. He didn’t even know when it began to shatter.

It was that day a small voice whispered at the back of his head Right after you got to the apartment a little later than usual at night and called Kuroko because it was something that you thought he had to know, that you were tipsy, that you just kissed a girl you took along with your new comrades, and that you were thinking of him—of that day underneath the shade of tree behind the gym where no one cared to come and check on them. That day when you suddenly leaned down toward your friend, close enough to see all the light blue dancing and selfishly have a swift taste of vanilla on the lips. And when you called and heard that soft voice belonged to the one in your mind, what did you say to him, remember? You said—

“I am sorry,” Kagami started at the sudden voice. His eyes fluttered open to see a woman in an airline uniform smile apologetically at him. “I am sorry Mr. , but are you all right?”

He blinked “What?”

“You’ve been frowning and your forehead covers with sweats. I thought you might have the need for water.” She eyed him carefully. “Or an aspirin.”

“Oh—” Kagami managed a smile. He shook his head. “I’m sorry for causing your concern. But I’m fine—I’m just getting nervous to be back home again. That’s all.” He added quickly.

When the flight attendant went to take care of other passengers, the rough voice entered his ears.

Kagami almost rolled his eyes. God—he nearly forgot he didn’t board alone.

“Nervous, huh?” Aomine grunted. Even after years of playing on the same team, Kagami still couldn’t bring himself to like this gakuro a single bit. Despite the change in how they looked compared to a decade ago, Aomine was still that Aomine who never failed to get on his nerve. Kagami, again, didn’t know if he should appreciate it.

“Shut up.”

“Man, who’s the guy that acted all high and mighty at the LAX almost a day ago, saying he was fine and ‘Nah, it’s nothing to worry about’?”

Kagami growled. “Just shut up and never speak again.”

“Oh boy, did your Japanese get even harder to understand.”

“And your English’s just fuck up the same.” Kagami retorted, not too amusedly. “No one could understand your language, Ahomine. Even the interpreter needed to use her e-dictionary.”

Aomine was not ashamed. Instead, he just shrugged. “Basketball needs no spoken language, we communicate through gestures.”

Kagami scoffed at that. “No wonder why you look like a monkey trying to steal bananas from the side of the court.”

“Oi!”

“To all the passengers, we are to inform that we are now approaching Tokyo, Japan.” The voice ringing through the speaker shut both basketball players to remain in their seats. Aomine took a quick look out the window. The sky was clear, albeit the mass of clouds. Only was the small amount of sunlight allowed to penetrate through the humidity. Aomine would never have expected Tokyo’s Winter to be otherwise.

The voice repeated the same message in several more languages, before it continued, “We are pleased to say that we will be landing at Narita Airport within 30 minutes. The luggage claim will be at no. 3. We are more than grateful to get the chance to fly with you and hope to be of your service in the future.” The voice then changed from that of the female flight attendant to a grown-up, gentle yet crazily familiar male voice. Kagami turned to look at Aomine whose face was a combination of horror and shock. In another scenario, Kagami would have laughed his ass off by that look on Aomine’s face. Now? He doubted his facial expression would be of any differences.

“Good afternoon to all lovely passengers. Captain Kise Ryota’s speaking here just to inform you that we are now landing safely at Narita Airport. The weather’s chilly, but still tolerable for pretty ladies who board in shorts and minidresses. But be sure to wear the coat at night too! The time now is 1.45 in the afternoon. I would like to say thank you to decide to fly with us. We’re hoping to see you again on the next flights. Thanks again!”

“Oh shit,” Kagami heard Aomine’s grumble. “I don’t even know how this plane could take us, unscratched, from the US to Tokyo knowing that idiot Kise is the one behind the controller.”

Kagami couldn’t agree more. And if he figured some pleasant tone mixed with such annoyance in Aomine’s voice, Kagami was saying nothing.

Kagami leaned further into his seat, his eyes closed.

All those worries and nervousness could be put to later. Right there he was consented to take a deep breath, and smile.

He’s home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another character makes an appearance and more things to come

It was never an easy decision, to continue the basketball career, or to follow another path that would mean the rest of his life.

Contrary to popular belief, not every one of the former generation of miracles—included their sixth man—was recruited to further their talents outside the country, even after the spectacular match against Jabbawock that embedded in everybody’s memories a couple of years ago. No matter how disheartened they might have felt toward such negligence over their potentials, they knew very well that there’re still more of those with skills and the hearts of gold out there. Christ, they had learned the hardest way just to be proved that they were not the ones crowning the mountain top. There’s—and always would be—somebody who was stronger enough to climb a higher mountain and clam its zenith to their own. When there’s a room or even small crack to the supposed end of the tunnel, the possibility of everything could happen.

Out of the rest of them, Aomine was that someone of beasty potentials. His moves, his flows, and his carefree yet calculated attitude while the ball bouncing from his hand to another were overwhelming. No one could argue that when Aomine played, the full court became his own territory, and not a single person was permitted to trespass what belonged to this man.

Kagami, on the other hand, thought he was lucky. He thought that because Alex had some connection with the authority and pulled some strings so that her pupil could finally pursue his dream. It was unhealthy of him to think like that, of course. And it didn’t help either that both of his ears got so red from all that twisting and yelling from his mentor that he was not fucking making any sense. Alex wouldn’t go that far just to please her student like that. After all, he was told, that it’s because of his playing styles and his crazy jumps that got the sponsor’s attention. If Aomine was a wild beast, Kagami was an untamed tiger readily to attack any prey that came his way.  
That metaphor made him cringe every time he heard it. It was okay though. Because Kuroko teased him with such knowing smile—-

Uh—Oh,

.

For one, Kise Ryota was a ball of energy. The sunshine with the brightest smile. He was good at everything he laid his eyes and hands on. It was not exaggerating at all that his talents for basketball were surging through the roof. So it was shocking to anyone at all that he was the first one to announce his decision to quit the sport and instead enroll in the aviation school.

Kise was never one to keep secrets, given his running mouth which always gave away all that he tried to hide. However, this time, even Kasamatsu failed to gouge out anything. Kise simply said it’s just time he should be focusing on something else aside from basketball. At first, everyone thought because he was depressed that Aomine—and Kagami—decided to chase after his dream in a faraway land and that left him alone with no one he could truly regard as his rivals. But as time passed, Kise seemed just fine and vibrant as ever around the new environment at the campus. So the change of wind has hit Kise first. That was all they could assume.

They all scattered in different ways. Kise knew that much. He also knew that the rest of them aside from Aomine put behind their basketball gears and sought out their hidden dreams. Murasakibara continued his love for pastries in the hospitality faculty in some college in Akita. Akashi followed his father’s footprint in BBA abroad. Surprisingly, Midorima who successfully got in the medical school with an exceptional score, and Kuruko in literature class along with Kise went to the same University in Tokyo. They rarely met, so to say. But Kise made sure that when they did, they would pull out that old, orange ball and head to the court together, like the old days.

Something never changed. Kise was more than pleased to at least think like that. But sometimes, reality just hit hard like a storm came unannounced, destroying everything, leaving mere wreckage behind.

Something has changed, that day when he heard, felt, cried and touched for the first time. He couldn’t pretend everything was the same, not anymore. Not any longer. Not with him.

That would be the story of another time. But for this moment, Kise decided to stroll in an idle pace with his small luggage along the way to the parking lots where his car was awaited for his return from duty. Kise has just stepped out of the terminal, passing some cafe along the way, that his name suddenly got called. Without even recognizing how familiar that voice was, he turned his head instinctively to the side.

On the tall table seating were two men with equally hard expressions and massive flames. The one on the right wore tanned skin with short navy blue hair. Another guy’s skin was lighter. His hair was a tad bit longer, a glimpse of dark red played casually on his hair underneath the light.

These men looked to be at the mid-twenties something—around the same age as his—and were looking at his way so intensely that Kise would have winced and run away had he not seen the resemblance on both their eyes—so livid and alive. He had known two people with such looks from long ago, those two who decided to go so far away and leave what should be oh-so-important things behind. Kise was supposed to be angry and raging and all that because he was the one to witness those heartbreaks and sadness and downfalls first-handedly. But all he could feel right then after seeing the familiar faces of his foes-friends was a mere surprise, followed by relief and utmost happiness. Kise rushed to them and in a span of three seconds, the blonde captain was seated opposite side of Aomine and Kagami.

“Woah, that was fast.”

“Aominecchi! Kagamicchi!” Kise beamed so brightly that the sun should be ashamed of its dim light. “When did you come back!? How long will you two be staying!? Have you informed anyone of your arrival!?”

“Oh man, what are you, a machine gun?” Kagami almost forgot how Kise could be so loud and bouncy. Then, he scowled. “And what with that. -cchi thing!? Don’t tell me you still add that as a suffix to anyone’s names at all?”

Kise pouted. To all ladies, it was adorable. To them though, it’s just disgusting for a grown-up man to act like a six-year-old kid. “That was very mean of you, Kagamicchi.” He rumbled, eyeing Kagami’s face. “Even with the beard, you’re still as grumpy as I remember from those years ago.”

“What’s wrong with growing a beard?” Kagami asked, his hand shot to touch his stubble unknowingly.

Kise sighed. “Once Bakagami, always Bakagami. Seems good that Kagamicchi hasn’t changed at all.”

Aomine’s burst of laugh over-drowned Kagami’s low mutter. Kise noticed the crinkles around the former ace’s eyes and couldn’t help but chuckle along with him.  
It has been years since they last saw one another. True that when he found himself free-time and turned on the sports channel on TV, he would often notice either—or sometimes both—of them on the court playing for NBA. Kise was happy to see them living their dreams of course. But on the other hand—

Kise quietly shook his head. It was all in the past, and they were mature enough to let all the bad memories go. So why he still felt insecure and uneasy?  
It was due to the long journey, He concluded. He was just tired. Kise tried to believe that.

“You haven’t answered my questions.”

“Oh right,” Aomine scratched his head. He counted on his fingers while saying, “First, we just landed not long ago. Decided to wait for you out here just to see your sorry face. Two, roughly until the winter break ends, and three, nope, the flight was suddenly booked so we haven’t told everyone that we’re back yet.”

Kise nodded, then blinked. “Why waiting for me though?”

Aomine and Kagami exchanged a look before Kagami said, “We just happened to board your flight, Kise. It was equally surprising and horrifying knowing you’re the one in that cockpit.”

Kise’s eyes widened. “You did? Oh, that made sense though” he frowned. “But what did you mean by horrifying? I’m told to be an exceptional skilled captain, you know?”

“Hardly” They both answered at the same time, which in turn making them winced.

Kise looked from Aomine to Kagami. “And do you have the place to stay yet? I’m not sure about Kagamicchi but Momocchi said that your parents sold the house and moved to live in the countryside, Aominecchi.”

“Yeah, I’ve been told that too.” Aomine sighed, eying Kagami whose face became grimed suddenly. “I bet yours’ no difference, huh?”

“My aunt put it up on the lease.” Kagami puffed out the air. “Saying I am not going to come back anyway, so why bother keeping it instead of making it useful?” He rolled his eyes at that. “Guess we have to stay in a hotel for now.”

“Eak, that would cost us a fucking fortune.”

“Better than stray out cold.” Kagami fished out his phone and started tabbing on the screen. “I will look at some which offer the affordable price though.”

“Can’t be help then.” Aomine sighed. He turned to Kise. “Well, Mr. Captain I think it’s time to let you go, nice seeing you though.” His face softened. “It’s been a long time.”

Kise stayed quiet. He was contemplating something which he shouldn’t have as it would be definitely followed by chaos, but they were his friends too. Even after that, Kise knew it was not their fault, not completely.

So, He spoke up;

“You know what, just come with me.” Kise finally said. “I just happen to have a room spacious enough that an addition of two men can just fit right in. Though there’s only one guest room, I think it’s big enough for you to share.”

Kise didn’t wait for an answer as he stood and turned to the way leading to the parking area. He was aware that Kagami and Aomine followed after him. When he was set in the driver seat and waited for Kagami and Aomine to load his belongings into the trunk of the car, Kise, making sure that no one was looking—softly banged his forehead onto the wheel.

He hoped that this decision would not backfire him, in every way.


	3. Chapter3

Kise wasn’t joking when he said his room was huge. Kagami thought as he looked around the modern interior of the living room. The room was neat and clean, like the ones he had paid so little attention on the housing magazines. Kise had showed them the guest room with double bed and introduced them to the bathroom which sit opposite from the guest room’s door and to where towels and spare toothbrushes were before he disappeared in his own room around the other side of the living room where both of them were currently standing in.

Aomine flopped himself on the light blue couch, stretching his neck from side to side. He inhaled deeply.

“Man, I’m so exhausted.”

“You should get a shower and get change, Aominecchi. Sitting on the plane for too long can get you all cramped.” Kise came into the room with a fresh cloths on him—a white sweater and a pair of brownish pants—he wasn’t looking at the tanned man as he was busy typing something on his phone. “I will get something for you to eat. Though I doubt there would be any, given I left Japan for almost a month.”  
Kagami followed Kise movement in the open kitchen area. “Water’s enough. We already had lunch and we can go out to grab something to eat.”

“Oh, right.” Kise’s head popped up from behind the island. His sheepish grin adored his face. “I almost forgot you had lived here before you left to the States.”

Aomine sighed wishfully. “You made it sounded like we’ve been away forever. We’ve been there for what...” he started counting on his fingers. ”ten years. Man, that long?”

“Told you.” Kise handed Kagami and Aomine each bottle of water before settling himself on an opposite couch, to which Kagami followed. They sat in silence for a bit longer. Aomine closed his eyes, Kise typed something on his phone, and Kagami couldn’t help himself but asked the owner of the apartment after running his eyes around the room and noticed something that piqued his interest.

“Say, Kise” He started, “It’s all right for us to stay at your place,right?”

Aomine opened his eyes. Kise stopped what he was doing with his phone and looked at Kagami questioningly. “Yeah? Why do you ask that, Kagamicchi?”

Kagami glanced to the counter bar where two mugs sat quietly at the far side of it. It’s not just that. He also spotted two sets of almost everything in this apartment. Two pairs of the same branded slippers with different colors. Two matching toothbrushes and towels in the bathroom, two sets of blankets folded neatly on one another beside the bookcase filled with hardcover books with some magazines in between. He wondered there would be more of those in Kise’s bedroom. But that’s not his business. He just wanted to be assured that their staying here wouldn’t cause troubles to Kise and maybe to that someone who might have come in any minute, seeing they must have been important to Kise enough for him to allow that someone to share a live with him, in this room.  
Kise followed Kagami’s line of sight. He understood the redhead’s unspoken question then. “Oh, that’s—it’s fine. We actually don’t live together. With me being often outside Japan, and his home is closer to his workplace, we decide to stay at our own houses. Though I wish we could move in together some day soon.” Kise sighed exasperatingly.

Kagami’s thinking process was cut short. He blinked at the blonde. “He? A man?”

Kise smiled at him warily. “Yes, Kagamicchi. I’m seeing a man now. Would that bother you somehow?”

Though Kise didn’t mean to sound so offense and childish, he couldn’t help it. While Kagami and Aomine had struggled to be the regulars on the court on the opposite side of the world, Kise had had his own fight too. He stole a look at Aomine who, for once, has yet opened his mouth on the matter. Aomine just knew as much as Kise, maybe even more than so since Aomine had been the one to notice the change and told Kise before he went after Kagami. 

But that was decade ago. Aomine mused quietly. He was surprised himself that they could keep up their relationship for that long regarding the state of mind they had back then. It wasn’t healthy. He once called Satsuki, out of the need to know and worry—heck, they were his friends all right?, to check on them and he was answered that they were doing well, considered that they both equally broken. 

“Not psychically, Dai-Chan. That type of pain can be healed in no time.” Satsuki’s voice was muffled. Aomine didn’t know if it’s because of the signal or the subtle cry. “I just can’t. Sometimes when I accidentally look at Ki-Chan and see how much emotions he tries to keep secured at the bottom of his heart. But you know, Ki-Chan can’t lie.” She sobbed then, “Dai-Chan, ‘he’ knows that too, given he is the most observant out of the rest of us. But he isn’t any better than Ki-Chan at all. I know that they both are trying in their own respective way—to make this work. But sometimes it’s just sad to see them smile knowing that they are crying inside.”

Aomine was snatched out of his reverie when Kagami turned his head toward him, eyes fueled like someone just tossed the dry twig into the dying frame. 

“And you know this?” Kagami growled. He couldn’t believe he was left out on all this, for fuck’s sake. “Care to let me know at all? After all that, despite how much I dislike your face, you dare to keep this to yourself and not telling me this?”

“Why should I?” Aomine snorted, plugging a finger in his ear. “It’s Kise’s. That alone leaves me enough reason to not telling you. It’s non of your business.”

“But Kise’s a FRIEND!” Kagami yelled. He almost jumped on his feet and pointed accusingly at the tanned man who still sat lazily beside him. “If you had told me of this, I could have—”

“What could you have done, Kagamicchi?” Kise piped in. His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. His hands on his laps clenched. “Aominecchi’s right. Though I really am appreciate your concern over my course of action, there’s nothing you could do. Not now, not back then.” He leaned against the back of the couch. “It doesn’t matter what they call me. Gay, gigolo, queer or the odd ball. I’m just me who happen to fall in love with another guy. It’s all up to me in the end. I just got to accept it, that’s part of self validation, you know.” He winked.

“Why are you so worked up, Kagami?” Aomine asked pointedly “Think that’s you we are talking about?”

“The hell does that mean?” Kagami sputtered. But deep inside, he was confirmed.

They knew Kagami thought alarmingly. They knew, and I’m sure everyone else notices that too.

“Well, this is getting awkward.” Kise shot to his feet, eyes still on Kagami. “I said that your’s opinion was null to my decision. But it’s still nerve-wracking to know if you’re okay with that. You’re a Bakagami, but a friend. After all.” 

Kagami saw through Kise’s nervousness underneath his cheerful posture. He too stood and patted on Kise’s shoulder. “It doesn’t matter. You’re you right? As long as you don’t come out wearing make-up...Uh, I mean, that’s okay too. But be sure to use ones with waterproof. It’s just scary to see all colors smear on your face after a match of basketball or two.” Kagami cast him an unsure look. “Still playing?”

“Just once in a while.” Kise chuckled and smiled. “With those who still stick around, that’s it.”

Kagami’s eyes glimmered. “Who’re those?”

“Besides Akashicchi, almost everyone’s here. I ran into Takao-kun just right before I left Japan a month ago.” Kise said. “I don’t know much about Seirin guys, but your coach and your captain open a fitness facility on the street two blocks away. Heard that Iron-heart is the head coach of some local basketball team. He really likes it when we come and join them in a quick match.” He grinned. “They’re pretty amazing. Though they’re not there yet, I just know that they are going strong.”

“What’re they doing now?” Aomine asked and Kise knew who he was referring to.

“Like I said, Akashicchi is still in London continuing his PhD, last time I check. Murasakibarachi has a pastry shop not far from here, and man is it super delicious. Midorimacchi works at the private hospital. And guess what, he’s a pediatrician now.” Kise laughed not too graciously. “I visited him twice and can you imagine what I saw?” He grinned. “Midorimacchi was arguing with a kid who wanted the red balloon which I supposed it was his lucky item of that day, saying something like— This is not for you—nadonayo and if you dare steal it from me, I will make sure to prescribe a load of orange vitamins you hate so much and you have to suffer gulping down all of them until we meet again for the follow-up in two weeks time.”

Kise’s skills of copying anything he saw were still hilariously living its standard. Kagami drew some air into his mouth so he could pretend a cough instead of a bellowing laughter. 

they allowed a moment of calm silence to hang in the air for a while when Kagami suddenly looked anxious. His brows knitted and he licked his lips. 

“And kuroko?” Kagami breathed.

Aomine’s body became tensed but he made sure no one saw it. Kise, on the other hand, remained uncharacteristically calm, like he was expected this question to be from Kagami and not somebody else.

“He’s fine.” Kise said. ”He’s a kindergarten teacher now. It’s a surprise though that he seems to be noticed more by the kids than did us.”

Aomine smirked. “That’s because kids see something we can’t”

“Ouch, don’t let Kurokocchi know you call him a ghost.” Kise shuttered. “He doesn’t play basketball as often as before but his punches still send you fly a mile.”

It stung to hear his former shadow decide to put a lid on the box but knowing he’s good with what he was doing make him relieve too. 

“That’s...good to hear.”

It seemed Kise, and that Ahomine too, still kept in touch with Kuroko. And he had so many to ask. He wanted to be confirmed that during all those times since he’s been gone to follow his dream, Kuroko was doing great on his own. That despite what happened between them on that last phone call, Kuroko was still that stoic yet gentle and kind. He just needed to be affirmed that he didn’t do anything that could have broken his shadow—both physically and mentally.

a phone suddenly went off sending Kagami, being lost in his own thought, to almost jump. He muttered something under his breath and pulled it out of his pocket to see a familiar name on the screen. 

Kagami’s eyes were bright as he pulled the phone closed to his ear. “Hello,it’s been a long time, coa—”

“Don’t give me that shit, Bakagami!!” a female voice screeched from the other end of the line, too loud that it almost deafened him. “After all this time and you finally got your ass back in Japan and don’t even care to call us?! What is that running in your jelly brain!?” 

“It’s been a long time, coach” Kagami said quietly. He was wise enough to not enrage Aida Riko in such situation. He still wanted to be alive and didn’t want this to be his last Christmas, thank you very much. “How have you been? Wait—how did you even know that I’m here in Japan?”

And just right before he could hear his coach answer/ yell, his eyes dashed to Kise whose lips pulled into a grin and was waving his phone happily. 

His coach confirmed just that. that bastard “How? Why don’t you ask Kise then?” Aida hissed. “You almost killed me, you know that? I was just trying this new machine at the gym while my phone suddenly got a new message from Kise—which was unusual for him to text me—saying ‘hey, look what I got!’ with a photo of you and Aomine loitering in his room attached to it! Thank God did I hit a stop button just in time, otherwise I would be sent flying a cross the building.”

Kagami’s sweat dropped. “That’s...quite a picture.” He cleared his throat. “Um, coach—”

“Stop calling me that, I’m not your coach anymore.”

“—senpai.” He amended quickly. In his brain, he almost foresaw the chaos waiting for him just around the corner. “You didn’t happen to tell all the Seirin of my arrival, did you?”

In all respects, he didn’t have any intention to keep his coming back to Japan a secret. He had thought of informing coach—senpai and the others by the time his feet touched the airport but when Kise’s voice suddenly rang through the cab, he just forgot all of it and instead sat frozen in his seat until the plane had landed safely.

“Oh what do you think?” Kagami was paled at the devilish and giggly voice. A flash of memory where his coach skipped in a practice with a menacing hum was enough to leave him shivered. “I give you and Aomine a total of thirty minutes to drag your ass here. I already sent you a location and rest assured Kagami, it’s not just us that I informed. The whole bunch of our old friends will be here at the gym, waiting for you, you got me?”

The call was ended and Kagami was seen pulling Aomine to the door, despite Aomine’s grunt of what the hell! and let me go! which Kagami only returned with shut up and our asses will be surely burnt unless we get out of here now. 

Kise was just standing rooted at his spot, no motion of following along. Kagami sent him a questioning look. “You coming?”

Kise smiled apologetically. He pointed at his phone. “Sorry Kagamicchi, I have to go somewhere too. But knowing Aida-san, you shouldn’t be let go off easily. Give me a couple of hours and I will go join the fun!”

“I highly doubt it would be any fun.” Kagami grumbled as he turned around and waved his hand. “We’re going first. See ya!”

With his back against the blonde, Kagami didn’t notice how Kise’s smile faltered and Aomine’s eyes rolled upward, his brows contorted.

“Oh boy,” the tanned man muttered under his breath, knowing real well what was going to happen. ”this’s going to be a nightmare.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter from me. Hope you all like and enjoy it. Comments are always welcomed!

It’s not too far from his place, only fifteen minutes walk and Kise already noticed the low-rise apartment colored in broad white by his left. There were a few beds of daisies and tulips put nicely along the entrance. He pushed open the door, pressed a number he knew by heart, and when a beep sounded a quiet permission, Kise wordlessly went inside, taking the stairs to 7th floor. And by the time the sun merely inclined toward the west, he was standing in front of the door with ‘745’ on it. He didn’t ring a doorbell which sat under the name badge, barely a knock on the door and he could hear faint shuffles of feet. Kise managed a smile reserved for just one person who only seconds ago was behind this closed door. Now that the door was pulled ajar. The heather from inside brushed away the cold on his skin and when those bright-blue eyes lifted up to meet his, Kise couldn’t help but leaned down. His hands were on both sides of the door as if to protect this very someone whose lips were warm against his from any possible harm.

_So sweet, so lively, so alive._ Kise thought as he breathed in the kiss. _so vanilla_

When he pulled reluctantly from the kiss, Kise brushed their noses together.

“I’m home.” He whispered to Kuroko’s ear.

.

“You know that it’s okay if you decide not to go” Kise said from the bed, his voice hoarse. His eyes followed Kuroko as he bent down to pick up his sweatshirt.

Putting on his cloth, he looked at Kise. “But you’re going?”

“Well, yes...”

“Then I’m going with you.” Kuroko said tonelessly. He went back and sat on the side of the bed, humming as Kise’s hand reached to tame his bed head. “It would be weird if all of Seirin are there and I’m not. It’s been a long time since we last had the gathering.”

Kise’s hand stopped and slid to the side of Kuroko’s cheek. His nervousness showed on his face. “I know that. It’s just—”

“Is it because of Kagami-kun?”

Kise’s lips were thin. His chest was tight but he had vowed to himself a long time ago that he would not ever do—or let—anything to make Kuroko suffer or bothered. So, he squeezed out a smile.

Of course, Kuroko saw through that. The smaller boy patted the area just above Kise’s bare chest. His face was blank but his eyes locked gaze with Kise’s.

“You know that I already made a decision.” He said slowly, making sure every word go through , not only the ears, but the mind of the man before him. “And when I decide on something, I am adamant to keep it real and strong with me. Out of everyone, you should know that.”

Kise couldn’t hide his smile. His eyes gleamed like an amber reflected away the sunlight. “And you made a choice with me.” He whispered.

“I made a choice with you.” Kuroko echoed, faintly smiling. He got off the bed, pulling Kise with him. “Now that you get change and we can go. I’ll go get the leash on Nigo. He misses everyone as much as we do and he needs a fresh of air too.”

Kise’s eyes stared after Kuroko’s back until he left the bedroom. When he heard a bark and Kuroko’s hush voice, he started to pull on the clothes. With one last deep breath, he walked out the room and shut behind the door.

Kuroko had made the decision. Kise had to believed that.

.

It was not easy. The first time he learned that he took a liking on boys. And not any other boy, that would have been much easier, it was the one and only Kuroko Tetsuya.

His teammate on the basketball team, his important friend since Junior High and been at the best of it down the road of the graduation from the University. Kise was clueless as when he had developed such a crush on this little man.

But it had to be somewhere along those times. It might have been when he was assigned to be under Kuroko’s supervisor as he had merely gotten to the first-string. It might have been when he had experienced his pass for the first time during some match he couldn’t quite remember long ago, though the small smile Kuroko gave him was still livid in his memory. Or it might have been that time, that one time when basketball started getting a little bit boring. Akashicchi fought with Murasakibaracchi to which Midorimacchi nonchalantly watched on the side line. Aominecchi had skipped practice again and Kurokocchi had gone after him. Later, much later on that day as the sky was painted in dark orange and nightfall started to creep in, did Kise find the light blue haired boy all alone, hidden in the shadow of the bridge near the river. His face turned away from Kise, head lowering and a small hand reaching to wipe something off his eyes.

And he could never forget the day with soft breeze and cold sky. The puff of air was so white he could literally see it before his eyes. It was their second WinterCup. Kise’s team had made it to the final against Rakuzan. Seirin, on the other hand, had barely made it to the semifinals, and in half and hour they would have to go against Midorimacchi’s team, securing the third place.

It was a casual incident, apparently. Kise was taking his time wandering outside the dome when he noticed Kuroko standing and looking aimlessly. He was wearing a pink muffle Kise recognized it was given as a present to him from Momoi on his birthday a year ago. Pink hues adorned his pale face. The leafless branches shook and the snow began to fall. Kuroko looked up and closed his eyes, hand reaching out just in time for the flake to land on his palm.

And for once, Kise didn’t know how to approach his Kurokocchi, in the fear that he might break such scenery of pure beauty. Hence, Kise waited. Until the breeze picked up and Kuroko decided to go inside—to prepare for his match, Kise thought—that Kise turned away.

It was so subtle, his feelings. It was always there. No exchanging glances. No flashy incidents. No shoes left at midnight awaiting for some prince to pick up. There’s also no ‘I love you’ and ‘I love you too’. It just happened and Kise, without any resistance, was pulled into those bright blue eyes. He smiled when Kuroko’s eyes lit up. He was happy when he heard Kuroko’s small chuckle. He was nervous when he told Kuroko about his decision on quiting basketball, but was immediately relieved that Kuroko seemed all right with it. He was surprised and grateful they went to the same University. His brows furrowed when someone take notice on Kuroko. Not long after was his mood lifted up then, when Kuroko’s eyes were on his, saying ‘want to have a match, Kise-kun?’

His heart was broken when Kuroko received a call on one morning they decided to go to the campus together in which Midorima was currently waiting. Kise could tell how Kuroko’s eyes went from unexpected surprise to blissful joy when he caught a name on the scene. Everything only went downfall after that.

One phone call and Kuroko’s body got so tensed. It seemed he was frozen right there on the spot. Kise didn’t know what had been exchanged between Kuroko and the one at the end of the line, though he could guess as much.

_“Kagami’s acting weird since the morning.” Kise called Aomine that night, seeing that he was on sports channel earlier, so he dialed the tanned man’s number, asking teasingly how it felt like to be benched for a full forty minutes. That’s it, when Aomine began to sway off the current conversation and instead talking about his roommate. “Damn wasted last night. Finding him lying on the sofa, stink as hell. And when he woke up he was yelling all the F- word. Guess he did something terrible last night.”_

Kise hummed mindlessly. Aomine didn’t let it go. “Anything happen over there?”

“Not quite...” he hesitated, but decided to tell him anyway. “I don’t know if it’s even connected. But Kurokocchi seems a bit down. I mean, he always carries such empty expression but since he received a call this morning, his face has been kind of...sad.” Kise inhaled deeply. “I don’t like it, Aominecchi.”

There’s silence, then ”What is?”

“This. I think I can manage it, keeping, shutting it out completely, so he isn’t burdened anymore than he is right now.”

“You know about it too, do you?” Aomine simply probed. “About Tetsu and Kagami?”

“I thought it was just my baseless imagination.” His hand rubbed over his face, suddenly feeling so tired. “But you know what? When you start taking an interest in something—someone, your eyes just automatically follow them and take notice on every motion. So yes, I know. I see the way Kurokocchi look at Kagamicchi. And Kagamicchi isn’t subtle of his feeling at all.” Kise breathed out a tight laugh. “I remembered how forlorn Kurokocchi had been when Kagamicchi decided to get off to US. But he keeps himself upright. No one ever calls Kurokocchi weak because he is not.”

He could hear Aomine’s soft hum in agreement. Kise continued,”He’s been doing so well, Aominecchi. I know because I’ve never taken an eye off him, however, not until this morning and that damn phone call.” He gritted his teeth, his eyes almost burned with rage. He blinked. ”How dare he did that to _Kurokocchi_? Anything that can hurt him, _how dare_?”

“You don’t know the whole story, Kise. Kagami isn’t happy with what he did either.” Aomine said, his voice voided of accusation. “Though I agreed Tetsu didn’t deserve this. But this is all between them. Neither of us can determine who’s right on the matter of feeling.”

“But—”

“Hey, Listen good, ‘Kay?” Aomine interrupted with a voice so serious Kise could only shut up. “Something might hit the wall between them. Or there might not be anything between them in the first place. Kagami got himself a few girlfriends, though it didn’t last long, and you said Tetsu did too?”

Kise grumbled in response. He didn’t like it one bit when he learned his smaller friend went on a date with some guy whose face resembled a koala. He was delight not long after that they broke apart in a mere span of one month time.

“There’s a bond there, Kise. And it’s only deserve for both Tetsu and Kagami. But that bond doesn’t solely imply that they’re romantically involved. There’s possibility, yes. But that doesn’t mean you should give up on Tetsu either.”

“What?”

“You think I’m that dumb?” Aomine scowled. “Like you said about Kagami, you, Kise, your emotions just burst through your eyes whenever Tetsu was around.”

Kise’s face was red. He could feel the blood actually rush upward to the top of his head. “That’s—-um, you know?”

“And because I do, you think the others didn’t notice?” Aomine asked. “Man, even Murasakibara knows.”

The blonde face’s pale in realization. But then he was flooded with the relief. Seemingly no one was against his sexual preferences, not that he cared, of course. But because it’s them, the ones he recognized as true friends, so it mattered to him internally.

“So, Aominecchi” Kise asked reluctantly. “You think I have a chance?”

“No one can give you that, bustard. You’re the one to grasp it and make it your own.”

The line was disconnected. Kise stared out of the window for a moment. He inhaled deeply and when his body’s back to his calm composure, he pulled a phone to his ear, a signal beeped once, twice, then a quiet voice; “Hello?”

“Kurokocchi,” Kise’s voice was gentle. He started off to the door. “Mind go out with me for a sec? I’ve got something to tell you.”

And that was the story of another time.

.

Now, though. While walking side by side with Kuroko and Nigo barked happily behind them, Kise had to think of what to do next when the light-shadow duo met in a couple of minutes. His head was ached already.

He rested his eyes on Kuroko’s side profile and all he could think of in that very moment was that he could lose anything, anything at all that would prevent him from letting go of this blunette’s hands.

He was prepared. Even he had to trade his soul. It was and forever will be this man that he would always wish and hope all the best for.

Kise loved Kuroko, that’s the fact. And it wouldn’t be changed for a very long time.


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been sometime since the last update. Hope you still enjoy!
> 
> Here the encounter!

He couldn’t expect more from Aida—Um, Hyuuga Riko then(he was not surprised. Not really)—When she said that the whole bunch of Seirin and the others would be there waiting for them at the designated place. And when she said ‘others’, Kagami and ,maybe Aomine too, didn’t even think that besides Hyuuga, Izuki, Kogane, Kiyoshi, and Furihata, that Midorima, Takao, Murasakibara, Kasamatsu with a few familiar faces of the former Kaijo’s players, Momoi and the three crowdless kings from Rakuzan back then would be chatting away together in the same place when they opened the door to the gym.

To say that they were amazed was an understatement. It was not everyday to see the old rivals on the court to be so friendly towards one another like this. 

But then, Kagami was away for a total decade. Everything changed. He knew that more than enough.

“Oh look, who’re coming” Takao whose eyes were as sharp as ever noticed them first. His cheerful greeting drew every one’s attention toward them. Aomine couldn’t care less as he lazily waved at them.

Kagami though, blinked once before awkwardly raising a hand. “Um, yo” he stuttered a greeting back.

The crowd was stilled for a moment and then, someone sputtered a laugh, and all hell broke down.

“*Yo*? That’s so lame!” Kotaro barked, his eyes teary.

“Once Bakagami, always Bakagami” Riko shook her head. She walked towards them in a steady pace. When she was standing in front of them, her eyes narrowed scrutinizingly. “Your body’s stats were pretty extraordinary, but what should I be expecting.” She smiled then. “And a beard? Really?”

Kagami’s hand was quicker than his brain processing as he was seen touching his own stubble. “What was it anyway with my beard?”

“Oh nothing!” Riko glowed “It’s a good idea to grow beard. It’s one of the great strategies to be intimidating as much as you can while you have to go against those giants on the court.”

Aomine snorted a laugh. “Intimidating? Man, wait til you see the look on those guys when this idiot suddenly jerked out of the gym just because coach brought his dog along to the practice.” He lightly patted another man’s shoulder. “Pretty much a show no one can ever forget.”

Kagami swirled his head to where Aomine was sneering at him. He shouted “That dog was a Doberman, for God’s sake. That mutt was huge!”

“But you a thousand times bigger, Baka.”

“Oh boy,” Midorima rolled his eyes. Kagami noticed his fingers were stilled wrapped in those bandages just the same. He hasn’t changed much physically from back then when they were merely high school students. “Remind me again why I am even here.”

“Admit it Shin-chan. You miss them as much as we do.” Takao teased. The guy was a little taller, and had piercings on his ears and at the left side of his brown. His hair was pulled back by the thin headband and when the hawk-eyed smiled wide at them, Kagami spotted a shining glint on the other man’s tongue. “Well, welcome back, I guess?”

“Thanks.” Kagami grumbled back, “Um, I didn’t expect to see all of you here.” His eyes wandered around. Everyone was *almost* there. Kagami thought better than saying it out loud. Instead, he bowed a little. “It’s really nice seeing the old faces here.”

“Stop with such formality, Bakagami!” Riko slapped him on the back. Ignoring Kagami’s yelp, she put her hand firmly on both men’s shoulders and pushed them forward to where the others were waiting. “Everyone’s here for you. So get your ass moving!”

“That hurt, senpai” Kagami complained but his steps were light. He didn’t have any intention to hide his smile. 

*This is it* Kagami thought as he was met with Izuki’s pat on the back Furihata’s hug, Hyuuga’s nonsense sputter—though he could hear a sniff mixed in there—and Kiyoshi’s big hand on his head that he could finally breathe. ‘*I’m home*’

While Kagami was pulled towards the Seirin, Aomine ambled to where Momoi was standing with a pout. Her face turned the other way so Aomine couldn’t figure his childhood friend’s expression.

“What’s that Satsuki?”

“Sachin is angry.” Murasakibara answered in her stead. The giant purple was as big as he last saw him, if not taller an inch or two. “You came unannounced. Not that I mind though, but Sachin feels she was being left out.”

“Mukkun!” Momoi snapped at the pastry chef. “That’s not true!”

Aomine scratched his head. He put a hand on Momoi’s head, ruffling the pink locks as gently as he could manage. “Well, no excuses on that. The booking was done in the last minute. The coach said we were not playing for this season so we figured we could take some time off and when we realized we were on the plane heading to Japan.” Aomine grumbled then. “And you think that was the end of the surprise. Wait til you heard that Kise was the one who was flying it first.”

Momoi looked like she had nothing to say to that, but then the warm hand tangling with her long hair prompted her to speak. 

“Uh—Kichan said something like he wouldn’t be back for a month when we had lunch together.”

Aomine’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “With Kise? Alone?”

“No!” Momoi’s abrupt shout started the tanned man. He looked down at her, waiting. “We—as in me, Kichan, Midorin, and—” her eyes went sideway. “Tetsu-kun.”

Aomine didn’t say anything to that. He looked from Murasakibara who merely shrugged his shoulders to Midorima. 

The bespectacled man pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, sighed as he could perfectly read what Aomine was trying to ask without uttering a single word. ”Yes. They’ll here in any minute. Kuroko texted me if I had any rubber toy with me.”

Aomine raised a brow. ”Rubber toy? What for?”

“Nigo, apparently.” He fidgeted with his glasses. “It’s my lucky Item. He said Nigo destroyed one at home, so he wonders if he could borrow that from me.”

“Wait—hold on.” Aomine was confused. He wasn’t sure where Midorima was headed to with this conversation. “Since when did you lend your precious lucky items to anyone? And. What with that casual texting with Tetsu? He hasn’t cared to even send me a single message during this ten years!”

“He knows priority.” Midorima huffed out an air of superiority Aomine started to hate it. “And don’t think we are best friends or something like that. We still cannot get along. But he helped me find lucky items from time to time when neither Takao nor I could put our hand on them. So I am doing what a decent man do.”

“...By giving him a dog toy?”

“Returning a favor.” Midorima calmly rephrased. He ignored Takao whose hands were on his mouth, trying to stifle his laugh. To no avail, it would seem. “And by the look at you. You’ve met with Kise already, I assume?”

“Well, yeah.” Aomine sighed retiredly. ”He offered us to stay at his place while we’re here, actually.”

“Have you met Kuroko?”

“No.” Aomine said. “Though I was readied myself to jump off the apartment when Kise opened his door, thinking Tetsu would pop up from somewhere inside the room.” He paused for a bit. “He said he had to go somewhere else and would come here later. I knew he went to Tetsu, though I thought they moved in to live together already.”

Momoi and Midorima exchanged a worried glance. Murasakibara, on the other hand, said simply. “Kisechin was trying. But Kurochin was unreadable as usual.”

“What do you mean?”

“Kichan did ask Tetsu-kun, Dai-chan.” Momoi informed, she smiled a reluctant smile at him. “But you know Tetsu-kun. He wouldn’t say anything.”

“Oh,” Aomine blinked. He stole a glance at the redhead who was talking away with the guys from Kaijo at the other side of the room. “I think Tetsu—”

“It’s only our own presumption. We don’t know exactly what’s running through Kuroko’s head.” Midorima cut the former ace short. “Yet, I think we’ll know that in a matter of any minutes now.”

Just right then, the door was opened for the second time that evening. Kagami couldn’t tell if it’s not for the chill breeze sneaked its way inside the gym when the door was pushed ajar. He turned his head, leaving Kasamatsu’s words hang in the air. 

Standing there were two men in the coats. Kise was smiling sunshine, waving his hand in a small motion to which everyone in the room acknowledged. Beside him was the smaller man. His complexion was as pale as a snow. His teal hair was unruly due to the strong wind. His gloved hand went to pat a grown-up Siberian who wagged his tail in enthusiastic response. And when their eyes met, Kagami thought of brightest sky reflecting on the deep blue ocean. 

Kuroko bowed his head. Nigo barked happily beside him.

“Hello,” He greeted no one in particular, he blinked at Kagami. “It’s been a long time, Kagami-kun.”


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Although it was expected, Kagami was stunned with the side with his former shadow. He was then brought back to the moments where the beginning and the end of their friendship turned into something else entirely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey, happy April fool’s Day
> 
> Stay safe and sound and best regards to the doctors and those working at the frontline. 
> 
> I’m about to go crazy, so yeah why not another chapter?

Flashbacks, flashbacks, flashbacks. 

That little voice screamed at him, and he went back to the day that everything began to an end.

He remembered it clearly, as if it was just yesterday that he pumped up his coward bravery. Kuroko was standing underneath the shade of the tree. His sweats slid off his cheek, running down his neck. He wiped his face with a wristband. His smile afterward was refreshing Kagami could have kept on staring at it all day. 

It was a nice day too. So, Kagami strode toward the smaller boy, pretending that he was passing that way because of some errand the coach had assigned to him. He was asked what was it. He grimaced and said it was not Kuroko’s business. He heard a disappointed ‘Oh’, and Kagami was panicked. He blamed it all on his running mouth and sputtered nonsense just to make sure that he didn’t mean it to make Kuroko sad. His brain almost exploded when he heard a soft chuckle. Kuroko was smiling and he couldn’t help but leaned down as if he was pulled by the bright blue color.

He squirmed. Kuroko was shaking as their lips touched, but it felt just right when the thin arms reached and wrapped reluctantly around his neck.

It was their unexpected first kiss and there’s so much more that came afterward.

There’s no word of promise, nor tether binding them together. Kagami just knew Kuroko was special and He could tell Kuroko felt the same.

they were always together. Not only during practices, anybody—from classmates to teammates—sensed something was going on as they were seen walking home together and going somewhere on the weekends. They still went to Majiba for dinner, sitting at the same table by the window. But when the night called, and they were soaked with sweats after playing too much basketball. Kagami had offered shyly Kuroko his hand.

Kuroko smiled and took it, entwining their fingers together. 

they were happy, it almost promised something that would have last an eternity for Kagami had he not answered Alex’s call on that day. When the sky was so blue and the air around him felt so hot he couldn’t breathe properly.

He was offered a chance to be an NBA professional player. The highest dream of all those of the similar kin as him. Kagami was poured with pure bliss. How he could say no to such rare opportunity. He almost jumped in joy when the light blue caught him off guard. He *forgot* that Kuroko was there when he was informed such news. His face was saying lesser than his eyes did. Kagami just knew it, that whatever decision he made, Kuroko would submit to it without even raising a voice.

There were no words of promise, no threads that bonded them together. But Kuroko was meant the world to him. There was a swift moment that allowed him to float away, that there’s no such thing like going to NBA and Kagami was only a high schooler who loved basketball and challenges, and that along the road he had found someone who was just right for him. It was enough.

But it wasn’t. Kuroko noticed it. ‘It’s all right.’ He said. ‘It’s your dream, Kagami-kun. I know you’re stupid sometimes but don’t let anyone drag you away from what you can ever achieve.’

He argued that Kuroko wasn’t dragging his leg. Kuroko smiled at that and rewarded him with a light kiss on the lips. 

Kagami sighed in between their kiss, knowing by heart this wasn’t going to be the last.

No, he wouldn’t allow that. However, when he took off to the States and learned that there’re always been those who were better, greater, and more challenging. He couldn’t take this opportunity for grant. His days spent on practices, until his legs couldn’t move, until his breath hatched, until all he could see was blurred from the sweats.

He tried to talk with Kuroko—either by the call or a simple message—as much as his coach let him. But Kagami was still so young. He couldn’t handle all those things on his shoulders like he thought he could. He spent more time in the gym and his phone was left forgotten in his locker. 

The unbound promise became less sounded, the link turned shattered. All in Kagami’s head was filled with basketball. The small boy who once was meant so much to him slowly faded to the back of the memory,

In the forth year of living faraway from the homeland, Kagami was finally selected to be on the court for the first time. 

Aomine has just barely arrived half a year earlier. But with his insane ability, he was quickly promoted to always be ready on the bench. 

The game was intense Kagami could only kept up as much. But when the ball was thrown his way and he jumped it in the hoop with all his might and the whistle blew for one last time that night. The sheer roar from the audience, and all those hands on his back and head were so overwhelming he couldn’t think of anything. It was the taste of victory and he was part of it to make it happen.

Later that night, his teammates were insisted that he go with them to celebrate the first win of the season. Aomine had gone to their shared apartment, saying he’d rather go back and get some sleep. Kagami was about to politely refuse, but then Amanda—the girl with black hair and those *bright blue eyes* whom he met around the end of last year and has been around ever since tugged on his sleeve, reckoning it would be great for the change of air and why didn’t he ever want that? After all, this could mark the bright beginning of his basketball career.

Without anything to rebuttal, Kagami gave in and went to some pub downtown. His glass was brimmed with golden liquid. Amanda made it palpable she wouldn’t leave his side for the rest of the night.

Kagami took a quick swig of the liquor. He was half-listening half-drinking when Amanda pulled his drink away from his mouth and replaced it with her own lips.

The surroundings suddenly became deafening. He couldn’t hear anything. Amanda moved closer to his side, her breasts squeezed tight on his arm. Kagami was almost lured by something that rushed up and down his body. He started to feel hot despite the chilly air. His hands instinctively reached up, and were about to put around the girl’s waist when he opened his eyes and all he could see was that light blue color.

Kagami froze. He shoved Amanda away, his look of horror. Ignoring how embarrassing and angry she could have felt, he said goodbye to his teammates and rushed home.

The apartment was empty, but he knew Aomine was already asleep in his own room. Kagami stammered into the living room, unbothered to even switch on the light. His head hurt, it’s like someone kept shouting in his ears.

the clock showed it merely past ten. Kagami tugged on his hair furiously, all the while swearing to himself. 

What the fuck he was doing? He was supposed to be here only for basketball. He was being easy on himself. He was too carefree to let the girl get to him, to let himself be swayed so easily like that. Fear threatening him then, and what if Kuroko knew—?

Kagami stopped dead on the spot. His brain froze. 

“Kuroko” Kagami’s voice muted to his ears. The name’s so foreign it’s as if that was the first time he learn that name. “Kuroko, Oh my God, Kuroko. What have I done?”

And everything before him was crumbled. For the first time in very long time, all those memories flooded back. From the place underneath the shade of tree, of that tiny smile, of that taste so like vanilla, of their first kiss, of their second kiss, of the look Kuroko had on him, of the boy with the eyes so blue.

like the brightest sky he’s ever seen,

He heard the shatters of wordless promise, he felt the tight string began to shed. If Kagami didn’t know then, He knew now what he had been doing for the past four years. He did nothing.

He did nothing when he noticed Kuroko’s name on the miss calls.

He did nothing when he heard from Alex who heard it from Tatsuya that Seirin couldn’t make it far this InterHigh.

He did nothing when he remembered that that day was Kuroko’s birthday.

He did nothing when he found himself smile at Amanda and let her secretly took a small place in his heart.

He did nothing when he slammed that last hoop and all he could see was the light that blind the shadow away.

Nothing had been done, Kagami thought bitterly. *Sure as shit that something can be done*

He was startled when his phone vibrated with a beep.

A message... Kagami pulled the phone out of his pocket and his lips pressed tight when he recognized the name on the screen.

From: Kuroko  
Subject: Congratulations

Hello, Kagami-kun. It’s been some time since we last talked, hasn’t it? I heard from Momoi-san that you’ve finally made it to the regular and that you has made the buzzer beater? That’s great.  
So, congratulations Kagami-kun. I hope I could find better words to describe my feelings right now, but all I can feel is joy and happiness. I am really proud of you.  
And Uh, I don’t know if you can see my text, guessing you may be a lot busier from this point onward, and that you rarely reply my messages. But I will just say what I want to say to you and you should be reminded of that too, because you are stupid, Bakagami-kun.  
Kagami-kun, whatever happens to you in the past, present, or in the future, please know that I will always support you. I know that staying far far away from home was not easy and you may sometimes encounter something that will alter your determination and spoil your way rotten. But Kagami-kun is stronger than anyone I’ve known, so you have to believe in yourself, like I always do.  
Though it may be impossible to stand on the same court again, but I will keep looking forward to seeing you here, with me, and say all of these words in front of you once again.

P.S. It must be late at night over there already. I’m sorry to disturb your resting time.  
P.S.S. I really miss you.

Kagami blinked. It took him a minute to start reread it and reread it. One time after another, and all over again. His grip tightened around the phone. He cursed loudly when his vision became unclear. He thought it was because he kept rereading it, because he was too focused on every syllable that spoke louder than anything he could have ever paid any attention to, and might as well be because of the name of the sender that his eyes seemed to stick with it longer than it should be.

The man raised a hand to rub over his eyes, only then was he surprised to see a tiny drop of tear on his finger.

Oh, so because he was crying. Kagami mused to himself. He blinked again and he could feel hot steams of tears run down his cheeks.

Pathetic, he thought, choking out a small sob. His head throbbed. His heart crunched as though it was squeezed. The hell was happening to him? 

He closed his eyes then. Kagami inhaled, trying to level his breathing. *It was the art of breathing* he could hear Kuroko’s voice—so calm and gentle—as clear as rain. It was one of those practice matches Aida managed to get them go against Suho high during the long weekend. With Kiyoshi being hospitalized since the WinterCup was over, their defense was somehow lacking. Kagami was irked. He couldn’t be fast enough to prevent a close shot. He was sure about his jump and power. But his steak of being hotheaded and short-tempered started to pronounce more and more.

“I will tell you a secret, Kagami-kun.” Kuroko pulled him away from the gym while they were taking a break. The day was hot. Cicadas was singing songs he couldn’t quite understand. “All you have to do is breathe.”

“I am*breathing*” He said in a matter of factly tone, the look he gave the smaller boy back then was ridiculous. 

“I know now that you are really stupid, Kagami-kun.” Kuroko said blandly. Ignoring Kagami’s *Oi!*, He prompted. “I mean the kind of breathing when you meditate.”

“What the hell?”

“You start inhale, hold for three seconds, and exhale.” Kuroko showed him. his eyes closed. His chest moved up and then down in the serene motion. “Now, you try.”

Kagami wasn’t interested one bit. But for some reasons, he followed the boy’s sample. Kagami slowly shut his eyes, he heaved in the air, held it for a few seconds, and blew it out through his nose. He turned to Kuroko. “It’s not working.”

“That because you breathe like vacuum.” Kuroko said simply. His brows knitted. “Humm,”

Kagami did enjoy how Kuroko seemed to be so deep in thought that the boy began to chew on his lips. His eyes wandered and smiled inwardly to himself. He wouldn’t say this out loud, ever, that Kuroko was cute, and that the way Kuroko was thinking so hard because of him didn’t give a stutter to his heart. Not at all.

Kuroko suddenly reached out and put a hand on Kagami’s chest. He yelped but didn’t dare to brush the hand away. 

“What are you doing!?”

Instead, Kuroko furrowed his brown. “Why beating so fast, Kagami-kun?”

“Shut up!”

“Well,” Kuroko said “Close your eyes.”

Kagami’s breathed hitched. “Huh?”

“Just do it, Kagami-kun. ”

So Kagami did. He closed his eyes, trying to follow Kuroko’s calm instruction of breathing in and out. Until his breathing was even and   
he felt his heart beat in a rhythmic note that his body eased. 

Kagami peaked through his eyelids. Kuroko was smiling. His eyes glinting with the reflection of the sunlight.

*Thump* *Thump* *Thump*

He heard Kuroko say; “That’s odd. Why is your heart beating even faster?”

Kagami sputtered softly. “Shut up.”

The day was bright and blue. They were arguing and laughing. Now that Kagami was sitting alone in the dark, listening as the clock ticked. The night grew a shade darker and all he could do was breathe.

Even then, Kuroko was still the one who could keep him sane. Kagami thought sarcastically to himself. Light and shadow. It was always Kuroko for Kagami.

But then, It might have been someone else entirely for Kuroko. Kagami ran a hand through his hair. His heart was surprisingly calm at such realization. Because deep down he knew, he knew that after all had been said and done—of those four years of negligence—Kagami couldn’t be selfish no more. He couldn’t bare to watch the teal haired boy cry. Kagami was a coward all right, he was as big as a mountain, but his heart merely a size of a clenched fist it hurt so damn much. And that Kuroko would be better off without him. There’s no strings attached and no words of promises to begin with. They were not together for god’s sake. So why, why—

It was so heartbreaking when Kagami dialed a number and put a phone closer to his ears. And when he heard a soft ‘hello’ from the other end of the line, why couldn’t he say those magical words, why couldn’t he apologize for the years they had been apart, saying he was ready then, that he knew Kuroko was always waiting for him, too, that when he jumped on the plane next time and returned to Japan or better, that Kuroko came here and there could be no more of those frustrated separation, that they could be together, and that it didn’t even matter how people would look at their joined hands, because the day when they saw each other again would be the brightest blue.

But Kagami couldn’t. Because he heard shatters and cracks. There’s no more unspoken promises, nor the thread strong enough that it wouldn’t slip away from his grip. And because he was still that selfish man who still hoped that nothing would have changed. But it did. And it did. *Oh how it did*

So, in the end, all he could say in response of that soft—so kind and gentle—voice was his harsh words that cut sharp like a knife.

The words had been exchanged they couldn’t return. The line went dead and he slumped to the floor.

It was almost past midnight when Kagami’s heart broke for the first time.


	7. 7

He was an ordinary boy. More plain and less noticeable. If he was to be standing among the crowd, no one would really care nor take note of his existence.

He was just an ordinary boy. Hence, he experienced them all. Like those normal men and women, gays or lesbians. Who cared about gender labelling when they were all humans just the same. 

He knew hope, expectation, and happiness. Once in a while, he allowed himself to be drown in sadness, and frustration before rising up again. He recognized bravery and cowardice. He felt pain and hurt. He was just human.

So he had learned to love, to wait, and to have a heartbroken. Kuroko Tetsuya was not strong of a man but he wasn’t weak either. Let somebody say otherwise and there’d be absolute consequences. He had proved himself to be stronger and braver than anyone both on and off the court. Kuroko was determined. When he made his mind on something, he has already marked it with all his heart. He believed, he trusted, and he had faith.

For four years. Kuroko had been good at holding it up. His face never slipped. His emotions voided. He told no one, cried when eyes weren’t looking, and attended to the present instead of expecting something better—even better—would come at him and swipe his feet off the ground. He silently hope for Kagami to return.

He had never expected that phone call, on that morning where the light was dim and everything was dust and dull. Winter was approaching and the air was slightly chill. Kuroko was wrapped up in a thick coat. White puff of air formed when he exhaled. Kise had waited for him behind the door to the apartment he shared with someone from the same literature class, asking the day before if it’s okay to go to the campus together since they both had morning class. 

*Midorimacchi took off early. His first class starts at eight.* Kise informed when he had asked about the former shooting guard. *But he said he would go get some quick lunch with us* the blonde quickly added. And if Kuroko noticed Kise’s dorm was closer to the University, and that him standing here waiting for him just long enough for him to see pink on the guy’s cheeks and nose, Kuroko said nothing. He merely nodded and they walked off together.

It was right then, when Kise was chatting away with various stuff Kuroko didn’t quite follow (he could have been annoyed by that but the happy look on Kise’s face somehow made Kuroko think it was all right.), that Kuroko felt his phone vibrate. The man pulled it out of his pocket and his heart stopped for a second. Before the beat resumed and was accelerating. Faster and louder as he kept staring at the name on the screen. Kuroko didn’t know if he allowed his eyes to blink, would Kagami’s name be gone and all that left was him and his fading hope. So he stopped short on his track. Kise did too. The monologue died as golden eyes ran to him, questions on his face. 

the phone was still vibrating. So he wasn’t daydreaming. Kuroko ignored Kise’s look toward him and pressed on the receive icon. In fact, Kuroko forgot everything as the most important thing for him right then was that someone who was waiting for him to pick the call up.   
Kuroko was not a man of emotions. But he let himself smile wide as though he was the happiness man in the world. 

He could have sensed something was wrong when the name of someone who’s gone for so long suddenly came into the picture. He could have known it has never been a good thing. He could have placed it. He was called an observant for some reasons, that’s why he should have seen there’s something coming. But he didn’t. He didn’t because the thing that mattered the most was to get that call as fast as he could. Because the name reflecting on his eyes was the same name of someone he has hoped the best for. And even they were a world apart, Kuroko feared nothing. Because of those unspoken, but unbroken, promises. Because they shared a strong, yet so fragile, bond together. 

He could—should—have prepared. That, so it wouldn’t be this heart shattering. 

He merely greeted with a ‘Hello’ when the dam broke and he was instantly drown into angry waves. Kagami was saying something Kuroko couldn’t catch. Harsh and stern and shallow. Kuroko thought at first that it might have actually been a prank. Kagami was trying to trick him with such mean words. And might it possibly be that Kagami was just tired from his practice? That he might have a need to vent it out with Kuroko. His brain started to work on it own. Until it was completely frozen, like an electronic circuit went abruptly short, when Kagami choked out ‘I’m sorry.’

*Sorry?* Kuroko slowly blinked. *Sorry for what*

“It was a mistake, you and me.” He heard a croaked voice saying. “But it did, didn’t it? Nothing serious between us. I was just a kid. *you* were a kid. We did experimenting and it’s been good, but now I realize it would be better off to be on my own. I mean, I’m not even gay to start with.”

“What did you say?” Kuroko heard himself say. “What happened—?”

“Nothing. That doesn’t matter.”

“It sure damn matters!” Kuroko yelled so loud a bird sitting on a dry branch fly away. He heaved and held the air for seconds before letting it go. His shoulders slummed, his grip around the phone so tight his knuckle turning white. “What’s wrong?”

His voice was soft but still broken. Noticing something looked off, Kise was fast to come standing right next to him. He seemed to have so many things to say but decided against it. Instead, Kise rested his hand on the smaller boy shoulder and gave a small reassuring squeeze.

Kagami was silent for a moment that lasted longer than enough as though it tested Kuroko’s patience. But he kept waiting. He was good at it. Always have been for four years. He doubted it would keep on counting after this.

“I’m seeing someone.” Kagami answered. “for a while now. Her name’s Amanda. We—we kissed, and there would be more.” He gulped. “Do you understand what it means, Kuroko?”

*No, I don’t. I don’t want to. I need not to* Kuroko was readied to reply just that, that Kagami was talking non-sense. How dared he does that to him? All Kuroko had was heart and hope. He had made his mind to wait. He had told himself to look forward to whatever it was because it would only be good thing that came. He *decided* to be there while the other was gone. He was a shadow and he was a light. But wasn’t that just right because shadow could ever exist only because there’s light. And—oh. *Oh*

How could he be so blind. Kuroko thought miserably. What about that light-shadow thing again? Oh right, shadow couldn’t cast without light. But to hell could he forget. Light was always there, with or without shadow. And when it was getting brighter and oh-so blinding, there would be only white and mind-blowing flash. What’s the difference if Kagami decided to leave him too?

That’s right. No more unshed promises as they were torn to pieces. The tight rope they was walking on was snapped. Kagami was right. There’s nothing between them in the first place.

And because Kuroko was just human, he had experienced as much a person could do. He was brave but at that moment he started to crumble. He tried to understand that there’s always a reason behind everything, but he couldn’t bring himself to believe in anything. He was adamant and stayed true to his words. But what would happen if a storm hit and that there’s nothing left he could hold on to?

Kuroko was never good at expressing himself to the world. But because he couldn’t keep it in him any longer that he started to shatter. Kuroko Tetsuya was crying. The line went dead but he could careless. He cried and sobbed and choked, all the while Kise never left his side, his hand rubbing circles on Kuroko’s back in an soothing notion. Like that, it went for a while. 

It was an early morning. The weather was cold and dim and dull. The sky wasn’t open. It was gray.

Kuroko was pulled into a warm hug. He heard hush voice—soft, soothing , and kind, by his ear. Kuroko was just a human. He could only take what a person could hold on to it.

He was strong but he was also weak. So he let himself break and cry.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.

.  
A day went and a night came. It was around midnight when Kise called and he closed the door to the apartment, going somewhere the blonde said to be their meeting spot. 

He had loved, waited, and heartbroken. Kuroko was, in the end, just an ordinary man. So when Kise asked, he didn’t refuse. He said yes.

Because Kuroko was merely human. He was tried of chasing.   
For once, He wanted to be loved.


End file.
